The Rules on Reviews

While I am not a Rules girl, I am going to adhere to a few essential guidelines, and also qualify my opinions.

First, I won't post an opinion for a free meal or any other consideration. I love a free lunch more than the next girl, but I am not looking to jump into the business of professional restaurant reviews. Quite frankly, I am not qualified. Also, I won't post an opinion without having been there at least three times.

I am not a chef - I am in an entirely different profession, and one that also required years of education and experience. I learned to cook about five years ago, and that remains a very generous description of my competence as even a home cook. But about three years ago, I discovered the fun of experimentation, both at home and as a seasoned restaurant orderer, and suddenly, all those things I would never buy at the grocery story or order at a restaurant became intriguing.

I worked in Seattle restaurants for seven years as a server, in dining establishments ranging from a neighborhood deli, to Ray's Boathouse, to Daniel's Broiler. In all of that time, I never paid much attention to the work of the kitchen. They were the bane of my existence - long wait times, screwed up platters, seemingly indifferent and hostile to the hard work of the front of the house.

I wish like hell I could revisit all of those years and see it from the other side. I wish, just once, I had gone in early to watch them prepare their mise en place. I didn't even know that term during all of the years I worked the front of the house. All I saw was stale, dried out parsley in a tin container. Most of my executive chefs were aloof, arrogant and again, hostile to the front of the house. It is only now, after seven years in an entirely different profession, but still with the love of eating other people's food, that I realize how ignorant I was.

I wish that I had eaten the chef prepared special of the day - given to servers so they could sell it - with a mind to what was really on the plate. I never did - I was usually hungry for a bite and just wanted to be able to describe it with a modicum of accuracy. This place is where I sort of atone for that. Maybe you can't have it all at once, but by the time I am fish food or, preferably, annoying ashes on some ski slope, I will have understood the profession that sort of defined my defining years.

Final word about my preferences. I was the pickiest eater as a child, and although I have excised most of them, some habits die hard. I like condiments as complements, not additives. I have a list of food I don't like, which I am trying to overcome. This list includes most common mushrooms (they were fungus as a kid and are still troublesome to me now), olives (love the flavor, not the taste of them whole), most vinagered or pickled things (many exceptions here and more coming), and, this one is big, I don't particularly like sweet things.

There is probably a whole other post coming about what certain food likes to be (e.g. potatoes like to be hot, fruits like to be cold), but I am serving up this disclaimer because opinions are indeed like assholes, in that everyone has them, and if you are someone who loves teriyaki chicken with fried pineapples and sauteed mushrooms, with a side of pickled pickles, I am not your girl. If you look at the dessert menu first, I am not your girl. Also, an English major with a strong aversion to the occasional run on sentence? I apologize to you and your mental health for future offenses.

But mainly, if you are someone who would never go to a restaurant (or movie) by yourself, I am absolutely not your girl. I am oddly empowered by going to someplace by myself, and worse, I don't even notice your judgmental eyes.